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Aside 5, a magical evening, March 2014

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As I sat here contemplating about Aside 5, I realized that the definition of the title changed for me this time around. The last Aside event was simply to set “aside” the more free-spirited people and magnify my hopes in becoming one of them in the future. But in Aside 5, I felt as if the purpose of the event was, for me, to push “aside” all my expectations and stereotypes I had developed in my mind and be exposed, once more, to the necessary facets of life. It was as if I was to experience a rebirth and see the world for the first time again.

The mini-capsule of renaissance started with Josh Drye, a musician from North Carolina. When Drye came on to the stage, he simply took out his guitar and spoke a bit about the fundamentals of his music. He said that in his home region, they like to use one basic chord as the background chord. After this brief introduction, he quickly began to perform. He sang songs he composed and songs by other people—all of them were the songs of the Appalachians, best known as bluegrass. But even though they were all very pleasing to the ear, I still craved the sound of the banjo. In my mind, bluegrass just did not make sense without the sound of the banjo. It is no wonder why babies cry when they are pulled out of their mommy’s belly; the frustration at the unfamiliarity of their surroundings is so overwhelming that the only rational response is to lash out and cry.

I was already screaming like a maniac inside (“Where the heck is the banjo?!”) when comedian/storyteller, Charlie Storrar, confided in the audience, “I went through a process of rebirth myself.” It was as if Storrar’s message was directed at me. For a second, I saw a halo light up above Storrar’s head. But then, he said, “I am a Reborn Sinner.” And poof, there goes the halo. Before Storrar became the man he is today, he was Celibate Charlie. Storrar was trying to woo a girl with a box of cheap chocolates at fifteen. And to please her even more, he followed her into her Christian faith—but the moment he stepped foot inside the church, he decided to fall in love with Jesus instead.

Storrar loved being a Christian, but he also admitted that dedicating himself to God did not help him get over his need to “fill that void” and he constantly needed to patch it up “with his right hand.” And so at around the age of thirty, he decided to leave the Christian faith and finally will himself to sin again. Storrar’s story sounded too much like a bad joke to be true—“a British walks into a church with a box of cheap chocolates in attempt to seduce a girl, but was, instead, seduced by Jesus the man Himself.” All that is missing here is a rabbi.

I was having difficulty wrapping my head around the concept of being seduced by something abstract and conservative when Tina Ma, the Red Room Muse, walked in gracefully with a gu zheng and helped to demonstrate this seduction right away. The beginning of Ma’s music was very meditative. But as she began to pepper in a narrative about spring—“the mating season,” all one could think about was “sex.” It was as if Ma had grinded up all the Viagra she could find in the drug stores and just decided to sprinkle all the love dust onto the Red Roomers while casually playing her gu zheng.

Tina Ma’s performance was very creative, but I would have to say nothing could be more creative than what the Radio Redux group had to bring us that night at Aside 5. The Red Room Radio Redux group (R4) had always presented spectacular dramas in the past. But this time, the writer of R4 transformed T. S. Eliot’s poem “Wasteland” into drama form. Four actors—Marc Anthony, Adrianna Smela, Charlie Storrar, and Pat Woods—whispered, and shouted, and danced, and raged throughout the entire poem. R4’s mission is to introduce Western canon to its audience; not only have they done a great job this time, they have changed my perception about how a poem should be read. By having four people act out “Wasteland,” the R4 group had successfully portrayed the diverse themes of confusion and personas in the poem.

R4, Tina Ma, Charlie Storrar, and Josh Drye—seeing these four amazing artists at Aside 5 was like seeing a big yellow submarine in a bottle. And after this thought came to my head, I had one final revelation. I am very thankful that I had discovered the Red Room; because of the Red Room, I would not have to travel very far to see the world, the world would all be there with me in this one cozy space.

Wendy Wan Yi Chen
Class of 2014
Department of Foreign Languages and Literature National Taiwan University

(c) Copyright 2014 Red Room.  Material on this site is the property of contributing members of the Red Room Community. Please do not copy any part of this publication. Thank you.

TS Eliot’s The Waste Land, a radio drama, March 2014

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For Aside @The Red Room on March 29, 2014

​Red Room Radio Redux (R ​4)​ has been commissioned to present a reading of ​TS Eliot’s​ The Waste Land, ​widely regarded as one of the most important modern poems of the 20th century.  For this special reading of the poem, The Waste Land has been adapted for four voices with live sound effects and accompanied by the music by influential contemporaries of the poet: Stravinsky, Schoenberg, Berlin, Ravel, and popular music in London at the time. Featuring the vocal talents of Marc Anthony, Andrianna Smela, Charlie Storrar, and Pat Woods. Directed by Ruth Landowne Giordano. Original concept and script by Ignatz Ratzkywatzky, The text is rich with dramatic situations, dialogs, lyrics, foreign languages and the inner workings of the poet’s mind during a time of rapid social changes. This will surely be a unique approach to this historic piece.

FROM THE DESK OF Ignatz Ratzkywatzky, dramaturge, writer, and originator:

T.S. Eliot’s Waste Land: A Radio Drama probes the mystery of existence, the angst of the human heart and the marvelous irony that our dread of death celebrates our elation and passion to live.

From Wikipedia:

“The Waste Land” is a long poem written by T.S. Eliot. It is widely regarded as “one of the most important poems of the 20th century” and a central text in Modernist poetry. Published in 1922, the 434-line poem first appeared in the U.K. in the October issue of The Criterion and in the U.S. in the November issue of The Dial. It was published in book form in December 1922. Among its famous phrases are “April is the cruellest month”, “I will show you fear in a handful of dust”, and the mantra in the Sanskrit language “Shantih shantih shantih“.]

Eliot’s poem loosely follows the legend of the Holy Grail and the Fisher King combined with vignettes of the contemporary social condition in British society. Eliot employs many literary and cultural allusions from the Western canon and from Buddhism and the Hindu Upanishads.  The poem shifts between voices of satire and prophecy featuring abrupt and unannounced changes of speaker, location and time and conjuring of a vast and dissonant range of cultures and literatures.

The poem’s structure is divided into five sections. The first section, titled The Burial of the Dead introduces the diverse themes of disillusionment and despair. The second, titled A Game of Chess employs vignettes of several characters—alternating narrations—that address those themes experientially. The Fire Sermon, the third section, offers a philosophical meditation in relation to the imagery of death and views of self-denial in juxtaposition influenced by Augustine of Hippo and eastern religions. After a fourth section that includes a brief lyrical petition, the culminating fifth section, What the Thunder Said concludes with an image of judgment.

(c) Copyright 2014 Red Room.  Material on this site is the property of contributing members of the Red Room Community. Please do not copy any part of this publication. Thank you.

Speakers at Aside, 30th March 2013

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aside-headerJoin us for Red Room’s exclusive event Aside @ the Red Room featuring
twelve presentations by twelve presenters for twelve minutes each

This Aside event will delve into the theme of storytelling. This select group of presenters have found inspiration and have in turn inspired others in their field of expertise. They practice the art of communication and creativity to spread the possibility of social change.
At Aside, you will have the opportunity to experience their passion in a more intimate setting, and to engage in their work.

Speakers

l   Tuan Tuan Hsiang

Bio: 生於1982/10/01，向姵寧是我的本名，但因我姊姊的乳名叫圓圓，所以我被取名叫團團，大家都這麼叫我。我畢業於台灣藝術大學電影學系，曾做過獨立製片電影的造型與梳，,最久的工作經歷在一家服裝造型概念店 – 一家幫客人做整體造型及銷售的店，目前嘗試做一個專職的插畫設計師也會為此做為終生的職業。目前經歷過2次插畫個展,2次插畫聯展。而近期的規劃是去英國深造。

EMAIL: bientuantuan@gmail.com

Performance theme: 在2011年9月辭掉了我5年以上的工作，完全離開了舒適圈，走進了我完全不瞭解的產業 – 插畫。從2002年來就不斷創作插畫的我，只是為了一種發洩與釋放，但越來越發現在其他工作上找不到像在畫插畫裡那樣的心跳感。服裝造型與銷售的工作也喜歡並且漸漸成為我的專業，但在心中沒有悸動，我不希望自己變成一個無感，不冷不熱的人，我的心中需要一把火，需要熱情的火在我的生活中。我將分享2002~2012的插畫作品,及在創作上的心得!以及未來我期待自己創作的主題。

l   Charis Chua

Bio: Charis Chua had an early start, exploring her artistic talents through the piano, violin and dance. She performed with string ensembles, youth orchestras and also attained an ATCL diploma in Piano from the Trinity College of London at 15. After high school, she majored in jazz piano, and contemporary voice at the Queensland Conservatorium Griffith University in Australia. During her time there, she played keyboards for jazz-funk band ‘Dancing about Architecture’and Latin Music bands; released two collaborative albums; and was the musical director, keyboard player, and co-arranger for Macbeth, the Contemporary Rock Opera. In 2009, Charis released “Illogical”, an EP containing a collection of original songs.Charis is now based in Taiwan as a regular arranger and performer on the GOOD TV Broadcasting Corporation, the first Chinese Christian TV network in the world. Her versatility also allows her to arrange for and perform with pop artistes, like Samuel Tai, Chen –Yue Chang, and Nicky Lee; or to be musical director of classical crossover concerts held by the Opera Society of Taiwan. She is also actively working towards her first Mandarin album release in the Asian market.

EMAIL:  charischua11@gmail.com

Performance theme: I will be performing 2 songs, and sharing a little about what it is like to live a musician’s life and pursue a dream (sacrifices, fun things and more).

l   Tina Ma

Tina Ma, Aside4

Bio: Like most artists, in younger days Tina was a Taiwanese hippy, rebelling against anything that interfered with her free will. She loved playing the guitar and learned American music while participating in all the social movements when Taiwan was seeking its identity in the early 80s.

After 30 years, she knows that the voice and sound must come from her own ground and soil now.

Having explored different art forms, she has finally chosen telling Taiwanese stories through songs from the ancient Chinese to current days, and to follow her bliss…

She likes to see herself as someone who uses this ancient musical instrument – moon guitar, to share shamanic spirits from nature and folklore of the mother earth.  The instrument is two stringed, but says a lot in a simple ways, as most life’s wisdom does.

长发披肩步轻盈，

身着彩衣特随性，

出行总会携月琴，

沉醉吟唱起共鸣，

最爱山林我独行，

花鸟鱼虫皆欢迎，

Tina 是她英文名，

中文名唤马丽英。

EMAIL: taiwanteama@gmail.com

Performance theme: She will be sharing some old and new and weave whatever she feels into music, please feel free to sing along if you feel so.

 

l   Lawrence Philbrook

Bio: Lawrence Philbrook (費樂理) CPF, CToPF

Lawrence Philbrook has been designing processes for teams and leaders in varied cultural settings for over  forty years. Lawrence joined the Institute of Cultural Affairs (ICA) in 1972 and has worked outside the US since 1977 doing extensive company and community-based projects in over 20 nations. For the past 22 years he has been the director of ICA Taiwan while working across Asia.

After leaving the US, his first ten years focused on initiating effective development partnerships with rural communities in Africa and Asia. Beginning in 1985 Mr. Philbrook added facilitating private sector groups developing leadership and ongoing organizational change.

His key skill is in design and facilitation of processes which recover a sense of respect and trust as a basis for establishing organizations that can learn and change.  His clients have included communities, government organizations, the United Nations and more than 50 multinational organizations as well as local companies.

EMAIL: icalarry@gmail.com

Performance theme: My topic is going to be “Building Community”.  I will tell stories from my work in communities around the world and in organizations, including the past 20 years in Greater China and Taiwan.  Finally I will focus on how each of us has opportunities like the Red Room to create communities in the moment. Once we open the door to that connection it represents possibility the possibility of respect, the possibility of authentic connection, and the possibility of service beyond ones’ self.

l  Jean-Loup Fayolle

Bio: Jean-Loup Fayolle came to Taiwan for the first time in October 2011 to support the Taiwanese companies leading the world towards an ethical behavior in business. He has founded “Wholistic Communication” in January 2012 in Taipei. Since 25 years, his calling and passion are to learn about communicating with the five senses, listening to voices and developing the EQ (Emotional Quotient). He is coaching leaders, especially women CEO, in order to help improve healthy communication in the professional and private lives. Previously, graduated from an MBA, he has been the co-founder of Polygen Corporation, Biosphere international Foundation… and is the author of “Driving one’s life” 2001 and “Joy over Fear” 2007.

EMAIL: jeanloupfayolle@mac.com

Performance theme: I will speak about my passion since more than 30 years and the title of the presentation should be: “What do you really hear in the voice”

l  Jason Hsu

Bio: 許毓仁 Jason Hsu

Storyteller, Curator of TEDxTaipei, TEDxAmbassador Asia.畢業於國立政治大學英文系、新聞系

現職為TEDxTaipei策展人暨共同創辦人、TED亞洲大使

一個找故事、說故事的人，現為TEDxTaipei策展人暨共同創辦人、TED亞洲大使。六年級後段班，喜好文學和電影，大學主修英文和新聞。工作和求學的足跡踏遍美國、澳洲和中國，曾經追尋切．格瓦拉的腳步在中南美洲流浪了半年，畢業後第一份工作擔任Taiwan News主筆室翻譯，也在Nike擔任教育訓練講師，也曾跟著聯合國教科文組織（UNESCO）到西安做永續經營（sustainable development）的都市規劃，曾和朋友在舊金山的車庫創業，遊走於跨界領域。

2008年創辦了The Big Question Conference，鼓勵年輕人「問對的問題，走自己的路。」2009年共同創辦了TEDxTaipei，期許能用故事改變教育，透過長期深耕的方式來持續經營華人文創平台，期待下一個十年是華人分享智慧、創造改變的年代。

平日興趣是攝影、旅行和長跑。Jason過去曾參加過TED2010、TED2011、TEDGlobal2011、TEDxSummit2012、TEDxShanghai、TEDxTokyo等活動。

Storyteller, Curator of TEDxTaipei, TEDxAmbassador Asia.

Jason Hsu is an educator, design thinker, storyteller and most of all a learner of Nature.Started off as a journalist for Taiwan News, Jason developed a curious mind of humanity.HIs desire to explore brought me to travel across Central and South America in search of a Che-Guevara like revolution. He spent time in Xian China helping investigate and research water resource consumption under UNESCO. In 2008 he co-founded The Big Question  Conference as a way to facilitate, build conversation and network among the youth in Asia.

What began as a conference turns into a social innovation hub that draws a variety of talents in creative, entrepreneurial minds to collaborate together. He also co-founded TEDxTaipei in 2009 and has been serving as TEDx Ambassador since 2010.

His recent endeavor involves building a new type of school that fosters peer-to-peer, project-based learning and online social learning. The new school “Starters School” is built upon the theory of beehive and mutualism. He is also starting up a collaborative coworking space in Taipei called Good Lab.

Jason is a runner and an avid lover of mountain climbing. Jason receives B.A in English Literature from National Chengchi University and is selected as one of the 35 participants to enroll in Amsterdam School of Creative Leadership (www.thnk.org)

EMAIL: jason@bqconference.com

Performance theme: These are the nine things I want to talk about. I will use 9 slides and 9 stories of the things I learned over the years.

Now What??

1.  韌性而非力量。 (Resilience instead of strength.)

2.  吸引而非推動。(Pull instead of push)

3.  冒險而非保守。(Risk instead of safety)

4.  系統思考而非單ㄧ思維。(System thinking instead of objects)

5.  方向羅盤而非路線圖。 (Compass instead of maps)

6.  實踐而非理論。(Practice instead of theory)

7.  叛逆而非守舊。(Disobedience instead of compliance)

8.  群眾而非專家。(Crowd instead of experts)

9.  學習而非教育。(Learning instead of education)

l  Brendon Chen

Bio:

學歷：米蘭歐洲設計學院珠寶設計系第一名畢業

現任：寶藍澄國際有限公司(珠寶/設計/時尚生活顧問) 設計總監 / 負責人

The Escape Artist 娛樂繪畫空間 創辦人 / 營運總監

DSC鑽石理財中心委外設計總監

愛地球文化創意協會 理事

曾任：德國Deko鋼飾設計師

明峰股份有限公司 畫框設計師

米蘭歐洲設計學院第一名畢業，受到歐洲設計學院珠寶設計系主任評為”語彙細緻，風格成熟精煉“的設計能力，結合十數年表演藝術背景，故事性與戲劇張力無法抑止地在作品中隱隱竄流，在米蘭展出時，受邀的歐洲業界嘉賓們，不約而同地在評語中使用”充滿戲劇性的感動“、”彷彿看見一個故事“等評語。

堅持只做有熱情的事，專精於趨勢分析與訂製設計，於2009年與DSC合作的設計中，成功領先世界6大珠寶品牌預測珠寶設計趨勢; 並且擅長將對生命的熱情與敏銳，轉化為設計的細節，這是Brendon獨特的能力，也是其他設計師複製不來的個人魅力。

作品清新中帶有對生命的熱情，將光線、空間、大自然，以及周遭的大小故事都經過創作的過程，沈澱成一件件創新的經典。

EMAIL: brendon@brendonchen.com

Performance theme: My topic would be “Colouring people’s life, and mine”; talking about who I am; why I decided to start The Escape Artist; what I encountered and learned during the journey.

l  Mauro Sacchi

Bio: Born in Italy, mis-educated in the US, and now calling Taiwan home, Mauro is an artisan and artist, working in dance and theater. He has shared his work internationally in Taiwan, China, Hong Kong, Italy, USA, Guatemala, South Africa, working independently and with HORSE Dance Theater 驫舞劇場. Among many projects, he is currently crafting a new show, home.coming, while completing his Master’s thesis in Dance and Performance Studies at the Taipei National University of the Arts北台北藝術大學. He is in awe at many things, the human body, movement, contact, and food chief amongst them.

He sits on the Advisory Board for the US-branch of the NGO EMERGENCY (Life Support for Civilian War Victims). He wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for his family (in Italy, in the US, in Taipei, everywhere) and his many teachers and mentors.

中文版Bio:

Mauro Sacchi義大利出生,大學在美國就讀,2006年來到台灣居住至今.目前是臺北藝術大學舞蹈系理論的研究生.

多重身分如:表演者,編舞者,導演劇本創作者及表演藝術研究者.致力於連結舞蹈和戲劇的身體語彙來體現對生活的感觸.

近年來參與多項地方表演,教學,工作坊,及論文發表,如: 2012年11月在北京舞蹈學院進入“跨藝2012”,跳了布拉若楊的”勇者”與趙小剛的”河”; 2011年加入驫舞劇場,演了“繼承者 I-II-III”;在瓜地馬拉與南非表演,教工作坊;2010在紐約的Dance Theater Workshop與香港演藝學院的短期教;2005,2008,2009,2011在國際台北藝術駐村Artist-in-Residence.目前正在籌備新作品,自編自導“home.coming”,2013 premiere.

我想在此感謝我的師長們,更謝謝我的家人與朋友們.

EMAIL: maurolovespapaya@gmail.com

Performance theme: prACTice: listen, live, give

a 12-minute autobiography in 3 acts,

through beauty, pain, purpose and the meaning of part of it.

This will be about me, about us, about what moves me, about what moves you, about depression about laughter about a smile about contact about distance about what it means to make peace about why we need to about that one time when I got shot about discovering that I am ok about that so are you about stillness about movement about ACTions about in-tention which is in-tension about art about silliness about do you remember when it was all much easier about the need for rules and limitations in order to find freedom about complementary opposites about the art of living the art of giving about cause about effect about landmines about human rights about my teachers about gratitude about being smug about being humble about something which I am probably forgetting about something unnecessary about bumblebees about punctuation. About precision, about bad habits, about changing them, about paying attention.

It will be a piece of performance, it will be an experiment, it will be a conversation in words and flesh and sound and sight.

l  Mark van Tongeren

rrweb-marktBio: Mark van Tongeren is a sound explorer, experimental vocalist and cultural musicologist, well-known for his work on Tuvan throat singing and other kinds of overtone singing around the world. He wrote a textbook Overtone Singing (2004) and presented his work internationally from the USA and New Zealand to Taiwan. In 2013 he received his PhD from Leiden University with his thesis ‘Thresholds of the Audible. About the Polyphony of the Body’. Mark is a member of the arts/sound-collective Oorbeek and founded Parafonia and Superstringtrio. He lives in Taiwan with his Taiwanese wife Wen Yo-June and their two children.

hear & see more: www.fusica.nl

EMAIL: mark@fusica.nl

Performance theme: In a world that flows over with words, ideas and concepts, is it still possible to find a moment of emptiness, or to articulate a moment of silence?

Can I address an audience – you! – and proclaim my fascination with a language devoid of meaning, without saying it in so many words? How?

l  Marc Anthony

Bio: Marc Anthony is a writer and educator originally from San Francisco.  He teaches research writing at National Taiwan University.

EMAIL: amitofo2006@gmail.com

Performance theme: The philosopher, Avishai Margalit, once asked if there is an ethics of memory. Do we have obligations to remember people or events from the past? Is there a duty of remembrance?  Marc Anthony, in his work-in-progress novel entitled “38 Geary”, explores these questions as a middle-aged, diffident high school history teacher, Paul Dunowicz, is charged by his dying childhood friend to spread his ashes into the Pacific Ocean.  The reluctant Dunowicz travels with the ashes from his East Bay home and crosses the city of San Francisco with them on the 38 Geary bus line, which transects the entire city from bay to the ocean.  Dunowicz’ bus ride ends up being an odyssey into ever-deepening levels of memory, as he remembers people and events not only of his own past, but those of long-forgotten San Franciscans who seem to call out to him for remembrance.

l  Marina Shifrin

Bio: Marina Shifrin is a Russian-born, Chicago-raised, Missouri-educated writer from New York. She splits her time between performing stories her parents would disapprove of and being lost – which explains why she is currently in Taiwan.

EMAIL: marinavshifrin@gmail.com

Performance theme: I will be sharing a story on the ups and downs of love.

l  Tai Mesches

Bio: Tai “Prosperus” Mesches is a poet/spoken word artist who comes from New York. He has spent the last 6 years of his life in Asia, living, traveling, teaching, and most importantly, rhyming. Being based in Kunming, Yunnan Province for the last 2.5 years, he has worked hard on finding his heart’s voice through poetry, and has now come to Taipei to share it with whoever is willing to listen…

Email: prosperus11@gmail.com

Performance Theme: I will be discussing my experience in Kunming, and how the characters within my poems/rhymes have come to life, eventually introducing them to you all through a rhyme I wrote for Aside.

Marc Anthony November 2012

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rr37 marc anthony1WE NEED TO CONNECT
by Marc Anthony

I look at people.  You think that’s crazy of me?  It’s not.  Everybody does this.  We’re all looking at each other.  It’s a way of reaching out.  It’s a way of finding each other.  Looking.  Staring.  You say everything with the eyes.  And you connect.  Sometimes.  You look into someone’s eyes and they look back at you and you connect.  You know what I mean?  It’s as if you see someone and you could just fall in love with that person, or you could imagine that person being your greatest friend, or just someone to talk to, even if you talked to them for a few minutes and never saw them again.  You still connect.  And that feels good.

And this is going on everywhere. We’re all wandering around all over the map looking for each other.  Looking for someone.  Because, even in a great big, frightening place like New York, we still need to reach out.  We need to feel we can still do that and that we’re doing it for lovely reasons.

I have this friend who’s into all this New Age stuff, and you know what she told me?  She told me there are no accidental meetings.  That the people you’re connecting with are the people you’re supposed to be connecting with.  And the ones that look at you from across a crowded room are the ones you’re supposed to be seeing across a crowded room, like it’s some sort of affirming thing of each other’s existence.  She even said that people who accidentally bump into you on the street haven’t bumped into you accidentally, but that they were also connecting with you.  It’s like two magnets that can feel each other’s pull.

I never thought of it this way before.  I thought I was this lonely person who was trying to reach out like everyone else.  Now I realize it’s all tied up with my destiny.  So I figure I might as well take a more active role in all this.  I see someone.  I connect.  I follow through.  No matter what.  Unless they look a little crazy.  I mean, destiny is all one thing but, hey, this is New York.  You got to draw the line somewhere.

SAW YOU AT THE RIGOLETTO ON 2/28.
You were tall w/blond hair & camel hair coat.
I’m tall w/ dark hair & wore black leather jacket.
Our moment on the comer was far too brief.
Please call 212- 919-2347

 I was at this restaurant after work.  I was out with a friend.  Well, OK, not really a friend, but someone I had connected with.  We were talking but I wasn’t really listening.  I was looking.  You see, restaurants are great places to connect.  So while my friend was talking I was looking.

My friend was saying, “…so he calls me into his office and demands to know why I haven’t finished the research on the Admar account.  And I know all along this was a set up.  You know I told you before that this guy has it in for me?  Isn’t that what I once said?”

“It’s what you once said,” I said as I tried to get a clear view of someone at a back table.

“So I said to him: ‘I completed the research last week.  I put it on your desk last week,’ and he looks at me as if I was full of crap.  You know how he looks at you?  You know with that look?”
“Yeah, I know the look,” My eyes connected with the back table person.

This was my first vision of the person who looked into my eyes: you were putting a forkful of linguine con vongole in your mouth and a linguine noodle hung out and you laughed because you were embarrassed that I saw you with your noodle hanging out like that.

My friend continued… so I’m standing there in his office feeling like I have only underwear on, and all at once I think to myself, ‘life is too short.  I don’t have to put up with this bullshit.’ So you know what I told him?”

You were sitting with this other person, but that didn’t matter.  It felt like there was just you and me and no one else.

“So you know what I told him?  Hey, I’m talking to you!”
I shook my head as if being awakened from a beautiful dream. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him to stuff his goddamned report.  And then I walked out.  I can’t believe I did that.  I’ve never walked out on anyone before!” My friend rattled the table between us.  “Hey, you in there?”
“Huh?”
“I’m spilling out my guts telling you I just quit my job and you act like you don’t even care.  What is it with you?”
“Yeah, uh…Sorry.” I said attempting to pull my attention back.  “So you quit your job your job.  You must be hungry.  You want to order?” Isignaled for the waiter and looked in your direction once more.

You were trying not to look at me.  OK.  I could wait.  I had to time this just right.

The waiter showed up to take our order. “What do you got that’s fast?”

Watching you eat your spumoni, I tore through a salad and a side dish of spaghetti so that we were in a dead heat as we drank coffee.  And when you got up and passed by my table I was already putting on my jacket.  You looked at me and smiled.  I scrutinized you then followed you out.

You were standing at the corner.  Your friend was somewhere off looking for a taxi, I guess.

“Nice night,” I said.
“It’s warm for February,” you said.
“Nice restaurant,” I said.
“My friend likes Luigi’s on Amsterdam.  You know it?”
“Know it?  I practically live next to it.”
“Well, maybe I’ll see you there sometime.”
“Yeah.  Maybe you will.”

A car pulled up to the curb in front of us.  You walked over to it and threw a quick goodbye with your hand.

“When?” I cried out.  You looked out from the window, smiling, and made a gesture with your finger.  Was it ‘one’?  A one, I thought.  The first of March?  One o’clock tomorrow?

I turned to my friend who was standing against the building, arms crossed.

“Want to have lunch at Luigi’s tomorrow?”

————————————————————————————————-

You know those ads in the giveaway papers, the ones that you find on every street corner?  You know the ads in the back, the ones that say, ‘I saw you at such-and-such a place
and at such-and-such a time’?  Those are my ads.  Every one of them.  Well, nearly.  You see, I’m following through here.  If I’m supposed to be connecting with these people, then I want to put it out there that I’m following through and that they should call me.  I have about seven of these ads out there now.  I haven’t received too many calls.  OK, actually, I haven’t received any calls, yet.  But that doesn’t get me down.  I can be patient.  I mean, it’s not like I know their names and can say, “Hey, (person’s name), give me a call sometime and let’s connect.” It’s not going to happen overnight.  You know what I mean?

I have a friend who thinks I should just have little cards printed up and hand them out right there on the spot.  ‘Since, as you say, you’re supposed to be meeting these people, why don’t you just hand them your phone number?”

“But I just can’t do that,” I explain.  “It’s not effective.  I mean, if I just handed someone a card, they’d probably just toss it in the nearest trashcan soon as you’re out of sight.  At least the ads in the papers will last a week, if not longer.  And, who knows?  If only one person calls me out of twenty-seven, then that’s the person I’m supposed to be connecting with, and the others are just people I connected with once and affirmed their presence.”

————————————————————————————————-

The telephone rang.  I bolted out of bed and grabbed the receiver as the rest of phone fell to the floor with a crash.  Someone pounded on the ceiling below me.

“Hello?” I rasped.  There was no response, but I could hear someone breathing.  “Hello, damn it!” I barked, looking at my kitchen clock.  It was almost two-thirty in the morning.
“Is this 919-2347?” came a soft reply.
“Yeah.  Who the hell is this?”
“I saw your ad in the paper?”
“You did?  Which one?” I asked, waking up.
“The one that said to call you.”
“I know.  But which one?  When did I see you?”
“Don’t you remember?”
“Suppose you remind me?”
There was a silence at the other end of the line.
“You’re the one who placed the ad,” said the voice.  “Don’t you remember?” “Look, I have more than one ad.  You’re going to have to tell me which one.”

 DO YOU REMEMBER?
Downtown #1 train, Tues. 3/18 10:00PM.
You:dark red wool coat, black jeans, ‘Badz Maru’ backpack.  I sat
across, red cap.  You yawned, we smiled.  You got off at 50th.
I know what I want to say now!
Please call me: 212-919-2347.

 I was trying to act really cool.  I had this hat I got at the army surplus store.  It was from some army like India or Holland or somewhere like that.  Anyway, I was thinking that I must have looked pretty cool.  I saw you staring at me.  OK,  not really staring.  You were reading a book and kept giving me sidelong glances.  I looked at the book you were reading to see if I could make out the title.  I couldn’t see it but I guessed that you must be a student.  You had a backpack full of books and papers, and you wore horn-rimmed glasses.  You looked like a student.

I wondered if you noticed the hat.  I turned in the seat a little to face you straight on.  You looked at me for a second and then buried yourself back in your book.  Then you yawned.  It was just a little yawn.  You were trying to hold it back, which made me smile at you.  You saw that and it interrupted your yawn and caused you to smile back.

I was getting the feeling one gets when there’s a real connection being made.  I could feel my heart beating.  I felt a little rush in my head.  A glowing, numbing feeling crept up my spine.  I knew I had to make a connection with you here, and not in an ad.  I hadn’t expected this.  I’d already composed in my head what the ad would say.  I hadn’t prepared to say anything now.

You had closed the book and seemed to be looking out the window.  But I caught your reflection and saw that you were looking at me reflected in the window.

Say something now!  But what?  Should I invite you for coffee?  No, it’s too late for that.  Should I give you my phone number and ask you to call me?  I hate doing that.

I felt my throat tighten.  A slow, numbing panic took hold of me.  This was probably the connection of my life and I couldn’t even bring myself to look in your direction anymore.  I stared at the window looking at your reflection of you looking at my reflection.  I felt the train slow down as it approached 50th Street Station.  You got up.  I looked at you.  You looked back and smiled ruefully.

“Bye,” you said as you walked out.

The train passed you by as I looked after you.  You didn’t see me.  It must’ve been that hat.  I must’ve looked stupid in the hat.

SAT 3/28 14th St. IRT 7:30 PM I was going downtown, you up.
Tried to mime “going for coffee”.  Call me 212-919-2347

I was sitting at a side seat looking out the window.  I was sitting backwards so I could watch what passed.  The train was crowded with late commuters and early diners.  I kept looking out the window for someone.  I looked inside the train for someone.  Not anyone.  Certain ones.

The train came to 14th Street Station.  I saw you standing on the other side of the platform.

Hello?  I’m looking at you.  You looked in my general direction.  I pulled your gaze toward me with hope.  You saw me.  I looked at you directly, unsmiling, serious.  You nodded, I nodded.  I smiled, you smiled.  I pointed at you, then me, then tilted my hand up to my mouth, cup-like.  You mouthed the word, “What?” The warning bell sounded.  The doors closed.  I pointed at you again, then me, then held out one hand flat and made the drinking gesture again with the other.  The train lurched.  Someone reading a newspaper over me lost their balance and started to fall.  I reached up to prevent it.  By then the train was already passing out of the station.  I laid my face flush against the glass.  I saw you.  You had your back to me.  I plopped back against the seat.  Some person across from me still dressed in a business suit gave me a thin smile, perhaps timidly, as if offering a consolation prize.  I stretched my lips across my face in a flash of a smile.  Yes, I affirm your presence, but I choose who I want to meet, and when.  You shouldn’t have made the first move.   The train came into my station waking me from my future.  I pushed through the knot at the door and passed through the disembarking passengers along the platform.  Walking upstream, I watched the faces pass by.  Some of them looked back at me.’ Future friends some of them, some lovers perhaps, some possible psychos whom I will of course avoid connecting with.  I selected the ones I desired as they passed: Yes. No. No. No. No. Maybe.  Yes.  Yes!  I was looking at that moment into very deep blue eyes, which made me turn around and look back, but you didn’t.  OK, then.  No.

As I was unlocking the door to my apartment, I heard the phone ring.  I struggled with the second of three locks.  I jiggled the key and turned it, finally feeling the bolt slide.  Second ring.  I groped for the key to the third lock on my key ring.  Damn downtown hallways.  They’re dark as caves.  I found the key for the third lock.  Fifth ring.  Hurry, hurry.  Sixth ring.  I unlocked the third lock and burst into the door grabbing the phone in the corner of the tiny entryway.

“Hello?” The phone cradle slid off the phone books and crashed to the floor.  Someone pounded on the ceiling below me.  You’d think they’d be used to it by now.

“Hello”?
Nothing.
“Hello!”
Nothing.
“Are you there?”

Still nothing.  I picked up the phone off the floor and hung up the receiver.  I wasn’t worried.  You’d call back, whoever you were.  You’d call back because we need to connect.  You’d call back because, God knows, I really need you to call back.

It was late.  I unfolded my bed.  I made a cup of tea and sat in the dark waiting.  Yeah, we really need to connect, don’t we?

© Marc Anthony 2000

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