Confrontation by Chiyo Tsai, October 2011
Confrontation by Chiyo Tsai
recollection from darkness
being fearful around Erben-Ren
as if they can see through me
and find out that i am not one of them
my very blood is contaminated with an inferior race
not too long ago, under their occupation
my people forced to conform and assimilate
yet, I am that guilty
intruder
a murderer
a raper
a soldier
so convict me for my existence
and caught in between this dual identity,
for the longest time i was tortured
struggled to
identify
confused to be
convinced
misplaced and
displaced
never able to
forgive
took too long to
accept
and still trying to
understand
what I am supposed to
represent
so with my knees on the ground
I beseech you
to stop deprecating me with your discriminant eyes
am I your foe
or am I your friend
am I the soldier who raped your daughter
or am I the daughter that you raped
why do you despise me?
why do you pity me?
even if you kill the devil in me
I would still perish
for I possess both heaven and hell
I am the paradox
I am the riddle
your true conundrum
I am your reflection
and I stand before you
so unblock your eyes
and unlock your heart…….
Dear Chiyo:
I am all tears again. I think we, Red Roomers, were so privileged to be with you in that space with your presence. I want to tell you that you are not paradox, you are not riddle, certainly, you are not conundrum. To all Red Roomers that Saturday night, you are our conscience, you are our hero, you are our sisters and brothers. Thank you for sharing your most inner fragility and vulnerability. This is the true spirit of Red Room.
Dear Ruth:
I meant to thank you when you composed this lovely verse that night. I also want to take this opportunity to thank you for doing whatever you can to fund Wu Fong Project. Volunteering to recycle Red Room T-shirt is a brilliant idea. I have no idea you also can sew. You and Peter are Red Room resident poet. You also bring the special spirit that exemplifies Red Room.
Ping